Category Archives: Parenting

Wait, Hope, Pray – Chapter 5.1

You can judge a society by how well it treats its prisoners.
– Fyodor Dostoevsky

Dear Dad,

How are you, pops? I’m writing because I talked to Vanessa and she said you called and asked about me. You and I have talked since then but I wanted to update you on my situation.

February 11 I will sign on to whatever the judge and DA will offer; I’m told 10 years. I can’t believe what I’ve done, but I’m ready to accept whatever sentence I’m given. 30 to 45 days later I’ll be taken to a transfer unit, then to Huntsville and from there no telling where. I’ve discovered that Texas has countless prisons and I am one of its countless prisoners…

So began one of several letters from my son during his time in prison and this particular text was a welcome change in his approach to his situation.

He did not so easily accept his fate in the beginning. Initially, he made historical references to the infamously harsh sentences of Judge Roy Bean, feeling a sense of injustice at the prospect of a decade in prison. The adjustment to life in prison, something I have a hard time imagining, must surely take a toll on a person’s soul—but he did himself no favor by initially refusing to take responsibility for his actions. He did not consider the path that led him there. Continue reading

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The Maelstrom – Chapter 3.6

Photo_3.6It’s a hell of a thing, turning your back on your child. At some point you just stop lying to yourself and you think “He is going to end up in jail or dead”, and you hate yourself for the thought. Some part of you still clings to the optimism of his youth when he was still young and impressionable and you think “He’ll return. He’ll come back to his senses. He’ll see the folly of these life choices.” You fantasize about the day he’ll be himself again, free of the bad influences and the terrible choices, and then you finally turn within yourself and retort “No.”

Reluctantly, you accept the fact that your child is imprisoned in a hell you don’t understand, can’t imagine, and of which there is no breach point; you can effect no rescue. You finally understand that he is in a prison of his own making and that only he can fashion his escape. Continue reading

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The Maelstrom – Chapter 3.5

The redemption I witnessed in my son had many false starts. Not understanding addiction at the time, I was the victim of my own naiveté. I didn’t understand the nature of addiction at the time of Tim’s struggle and how it toys with the lives of others not directly captivated by its influence. We were all drawn by the current of its ebb and flow but only by virtue of our connection to Tim.

Photo_3.5I would see his attempts to break free and mistake the momentary liberation for freedom from the force that over and over drew him back. Retrospectively, I am reminded of the protracted labor of his mother during the time of his birth that ushered him into this world. Like my naiveté regarding his addiction, I knew nothing of the complications that can occur during a pregnancy and just how dangerous it can be for both mother and child. Continue reading

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